Ahmad Maslan, Malaysia’s caped caperer?

By Geraldine Tan

Ahmad Maslan has been criticised by Malaysian netizens yet again for another one of his trademark mind-boggling statements. But this time Tiger finds a certain inspiration from what he is suggesting. Tiger wonders, could he actually be the hero that we deserve but not the one we need?

Ahmad Maslan has done it again. Notoriously well known for constantly making whitewashing remarks on the goods and services tax, the deputy minister of international trade and industry graced us with another controversial statement last Saturday, this time on encouraging lower-income earners to hold more than one job to make ends meet in these tough economic times.

Naturally, public outcry ensued. No surprises there. Tiger too felt similarly outraged over the suggestion. Working at night after a full-time job as well as during weekends? Bless your sadomasochistic heart, but no thanks. Having taken on part-time thesis proofreading jobs while working full-time before, Tiger can attest to just how exhausting taking on an extra workload can be.

Ahmad Maslan

Then on Dec 28 came another doozy in the form of Ahmad Maslan’s tweet. Addressing the angry backlash especially from social media users who argued that having two jobs is just not feasible, he tweeted that he himself is holding three jobs: that of a deputy minister, member of parliament and Umno information chief.

Tiger has to confess that upon reading that tweet, Tiger became an immediate fan of Ahmad Maslan.

And here’s why. You see, besides being a subeditor for the KINIBIZ online news, Tiger is also a proofreader for the KINIBIZ magazine (say, have you browsed through our awesome year-end bumper issue yet?), a secretary for the whole team, and a part-time whipcracker who swishes her tail-whip on any sign that a journalist is not complying with the set deadlines.

Any two-legs with working grey cells can work out that what Ahmad Maslan is saying can be summarised into the following two premises:

Premise 1: To cope with the rising cost of living, we should take on more than one job to have more income.

Premise 2: Having three different job descriptions constitutes having three different jobs.

Therefore, based on these two premises, Tiger can now confidently stride towards The Big Tiger Boss’ desk (although he will not be back in office until next year) and demand for a well-deserved raise, for apparently Tiger has been doing not one, not two, not even three, but three-and-a-half jobs this whole time!

So if we follow and apply Ahmad Maslan’s reasoning, most of us should be entitled to enough salary not be worried about financial difficulties any more.

Ah… Gone will be the days where Tiger would need to buy economy rice and divide each pack into two meals, or scramble around town trying to locate a WiFi hotspot, since in her effort to cut down her monthly expenditure Tiger now no longer has a data plan.

Could Ahmad Maslan perhaps be our black-caped economic hero? Could there be an injustice-fighting Batman hiding behind the entitled Bruce Wayne front? Is he purposely being an easy target of scorn so we’ll hunt him? Because he can take it? Is he our silent guardian, our watchful protector in our dark night? It sure is beginning to sound like it.

Therefore it is baffling to note that there has been an overwhelming slew of negative responses towards Ahmad Maslan’s remarks. Even local celebrities are joining the bandwagon to criticise Ahmad Maslan’s rationale. This Facebook post by Harith Iskander, for example–

Wait… what? You mean to say that Ahmad Maslan’s formula is wrong? That having multiple work responsibilities does not equal to having multiple jobs?

(A slight intermission as Tiger consults her fellow Tigers in the Tiger Tribal Council, also known as the KINIBIZ Newsroom WhatsApp Group.)

The tribe has spoken. Looks like Harith was right. What a downer… And here Tiger thought she’d finally discovered a loophole in our salary system.

Good thing Tiger found out about this before The Big Tiger Boss is back from his long leave, or Tiger may very well find herself looking for another jungle to ramble through.

So it looks like Ahmad Maslan is not our Batman after all. Kudos to him though for still being able to squeeze in yet a few more fantastic quotes before the year ends. There are a few more days to go until 2016 begins. He may still very well prove to be our masked economy-hero. We can but hope.

GRRRRR!!!