The 0.1% rule

By Khairie Hisyam

Fuel price hikes usually lead to the prices of everything else rising as well, so Tiger is happy that the domestic trade ministry has warned against excessive food price increases. But capping food price increases at 0.1%? Tiger is divided on whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both.

They say all good parties come to an end, but the fuel price hike is quite a way to pour cold water on Tiger’s good spirits after a great Merdeka weekend. Okay, maybe the subsidy party isn’t over yet as our petrol prices are still relatively low compared to our neighbours.

Oh, right…’relatively low’ doesn’t automatically fatten our wallets with an extra 20 sen for every litre of petrol pumped into our cars.

Twenty sen extra per litre for RON95 petrol and diesel adds up, but maybe it would not be so terrible if the extra costs are limited to the pump. But it won’t be limited to the pump will it? It will add up all the way through supply chains across the economy. Just thinking about the entire cumulative cost increase in everything under the sun being passed down to the end consumer is depressing.

Good thing Tiger doesn’t need fuel for anything in the jungle and is the epitome of environmental friendliness. Now if only humans took a page out of Tiger’s book, what a wonderful world this would be. Enough said, Tiger shall  expound upon Tiger’s pure awesomeness later.

Going back to fuel hikes; the government has been quick to soothe worries of a domino effect. Hasan Malek, the Domestic Trade, Cooperatives and Consumerism Minister said his ministry’s studies projected the fuel hike to raise food prices by a mere 0.1%.

Yes, you heard right. It’s just 0.1%.

Now, despite the bleak news Tiger must say that the (newfound?) precision of the government is impressive. Clearly, the police aren’t the only ones with a knack for exact numbers.  Now we understand exactly what the prime minister meant when he described the effect of the hike as ‘minimal’.

Hasan Malek

The 0.1% projection is so precise,  having been calculated right down to a decimal point that Tiger cannot help but admire how specific the figure is. Surely this guy knows what he’s talking about, and can back it up with well-analysed data from thorough research, because how else can anyone come up with such a precise figure?

Hopefully this impressively precise figure on top of the police’s penchant for providing exact numbers is a strong sign that the ministers and their crew are now working hard at being productive on the clock as opposed to, say, searching for the, ’latest baking technology’ on the net for their wives’ benefit.  It’s a good thing we appointed them instead of cats to public office, although Tiger is clearly an exception when it comes to high-flying corporate positions.

But Tiger digresses. The overall cost increase sweeping across the food delivery chain in terms of logistics, transportation of raw materials and what-have-you amounts to just 0.1% when filtered down to our plate of mamak mee goreng.  No wonder Tiger’s favourite roti canai still costs the same — RM1 with an increase of 0.1% is RM1 and a tenth of a sen?

Maybe the mamak didn’t want the hassle of charging people an extra tenth of a sen per roti canai since we don’t even use one-sen coins any more. Well good on him and all of us who love our roti canai. But then again, it just might be the 1,845 enforcement officers and 1,071 monitoring officers deployed nationwide to keep an eye on prices.

Tiger would be very impressed if these officers are indeed deterring people from raising food prices by more than 0.1%. With less than 3,000 officers for the whole nation, they must be magical to enforce the 0.1% rule as far as food prices go.

Magical, Tiger says, because we keep hearing talk of prices being raised by much more than 0.1%. Lorry companies say their costs are going up by 5% to 8%; stage and express buses could be raising fares by 5% to 30% and even fishermen say they will be paying an extra RM12 per day for diesel now.

Tiger has already heard that a bowl of fish ball noodles went up from RM5 to RM5.50 somewhere in the capital this week, and some other places are charging an extra 50 sen on top of regular prices. Apparently a lot of businesses selling food didn’t get the domestic trade minister’s memo; or maybe they miscalculated how much 0.1% really is?

So how lah? A 50 sen increase from RM5 is 10% and certainly nowhere close to 0.1%. How dare they defy our super-efficient authorities? Why, our men in blue even know exactly how many gangsters they are in the country broken by race, state and presumably their preferred underwear colour too, so what chance do errant food sellers think they have of evading official ministry directives?

Perhaps we are being too harsh. After all the norms of jungle are not the same as those of the human realm. Perhaps these food sellers didn’t miscalculate but thought the minister was joking, which is understandable really  since 0.1% is such a cute little number. Maybe they thought the decimal point had been misplaced, thereby raising prices by a mere 0.1%? Our customers would incapacitate themselves laughing at us, they might say, so it must actually be 10%.

If we take the Domestic Trade minister at his word, then the government does seem to be serious about enforcing this 0.1% rule.

“If your neighbourhood mamak restaurant is selling roti canai at RM1.50 when a week ago it was RM1, you should call the ministry,” advised Hasan. “Consumers must report in with the exact facts so we can act immediately. Anything more than a 0.1% hike in prices will be looked into.”

Well, then, that’s all sorted out. Just bring a calculator when you go out for lunch. If your food has gone up by more than 0.1% after the fuel price hike, drop the ministry a line. Tiger personally doesn’t think the ministry will compensate for our telco charges — which would probably be rather more than 50 sen.)

Admittedly, it’s going to be difficult for Tiger to manage a calculator. Tiger’s amazingly splendid and efficient paws are are made for mauling, not crunching numbers with a cute pocket-sized calculator. Or dialling with a cellphone… so hopefully Tiger’s prey doesn’t suddenly become more than 0.1% harder to catch.

GRRRRR!