By Jose Barrock
Ola… Bom dia… hello, and good day. Tiger is practicing his Portuguese as it’s what they speak in Brazil, if you don’t know. Actually, Tiger’s been a pretty busy cat lately. As you may know by now, Tiger has aspirations to become a corporate magnate. Worst case scenario; the CEO of a GLC at least, ok maybe not of pilgrim fund Lembaga Tabung Haji or its units, as we must have some standards now. But enough of hunting and being hunted; let’s live life like only corporate magnates can… those huge smiles, the bright moneyed eyes, the private jets, the Bentley CONtinental…
Yes, if a lizard like old Gordon Gecko can do it (twice) why not Tiger? Tiger will call himself, maybe Trevor Tiger (taking the cue from the G-G of Gordon Gecko). Other than Thomas, is there any other name starting with ‘T’?
No, Tennyson, Terence, Tamilselvan, Taufik and either Teh (as in Hong Piow) or Tay (as in Ah Lek) are out of the question. No offence to the cats at Public Bank now, even though they do sing some catchy numbers about their bosses but we are looking for something more hip.
Anyway, Tiger is also busy after joining a competition writing limericks. Tiger hopes to rake in anything above RM11.95. Let Tiger impress you:
There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint,
All shades of the spectrum,
Flowed out of his rectum,
With a colourful lack of restraint.
Tiger confesses that’s from the Internet. If the limerick judges want one with considerably more local, Malaysian flavour, Tiger could write one as well, and quite easily mind you. Now what was news last week, let’s see…
There was a man from Johor,
He travelled North for the Ranhill IPO,
But the floatation was pickled,
CEO Hamdan was heckled,
Blame us not if we wish not to hear of Ranhill again.
Anyway, let’s get down to business and Tiger’s corporate forays. Tiger heard that KNM, the oil and gas outfit is selling its Brazilian units for RM11.94 to Telcon Telecomunicações E Informatica, LTDA of SCRS Quandra 506 Bloco A-26-30 Andar, Brasilia/DF, Brazil (read as the Latin Americans read please and put some soul into it).
Yes, you read right, it’s RM11.94… plus debts of course but that’s a different tale. You understand Tiger’s RM11.95 wish now for the limerick competition….comprendre? One sen higher should snare it for Tiger.
Come to think of it, a decent lunch these days costs more than RM11.94.
Tiger is talking about two lethargic looking pieces of chicken, a (very small) mound of mashed potatoes, some coleslaw, and a bun that could double up as a cricket ball…yes a snack — or is it snek — plate cost more than RM11.94 at KFC, Tiger thinks.
Are you reading this folks at J-Corp….lethargic pieces of chicken, small mound of mash???
Anyway back to Brazil.
Tiger can imagine rubbing shoulders with the likes of Shahril Shamsuddin of Sapura fame, Shah Hakim of Scomi…both who have ventured into Brazil successfully, so who cares if Tiger has to assume RM30 million worth of debt.
Like billionaire industrialist J Paul Getty said, if you owe the bank RM100 it’s your problem, if you owe the bank RM100 million, it’s the bank’s problem.
And KNM is exiting when everyone else is making a beeline for Brazil…hmm, wonder what’s up with KNM, bucking such a trend.
Should Tiger be more cautious? But Tiger is king of the hill…who will dare mess with Tiger. But they do have some weird creatures in the Amazon… Tiger will cross that bridge when the time comes.
Tiger sits by the river bank with a faraway look….and uncharacteristically, Tiger let’s a little boar get away. The boar scuttles off shocked, thanking his lucky stars, and wishing the apex predator day dreamed more.
Back to Tiger…His imagination is going into overdrive….picture this….Tiger in a three piece suit, an Epicure No 2 in one hand, and a snifter with Armagnac in the other….should Tiger wear Ray Bans you think?
But then maybe Tiger, should not just be a jaguh kampong, just mixing with Shahril and Shah Hakim, but spread his wings and mix with the likes of Eike Batista who was a billionaire until recently but is ONLY a millionaire now, according to many a pompous business publication.
You remember him? “In the right measure, boldness and megalomania are recommendable,” he had said in his book The X Factor.
Maybe you know him as the former husband of playboy model Luma de Oliveira…hehehehe. See Tiger knew you’d know him…or his wife at least.
Back to more serious things…All said and done Tiger has to get the Brazilian assets by early next year the latest, by June 2014…in time for the 2014 World Cup, which kicks off on June 12.
Tiger will go to Brazil to view the assets for a month, but actually watch the World Cup, and laze around in Brazil. Tiger has alerted his bookie friends in Petaling Street, and plans to go heavy on betting this time…hey Tiger is Malaysian ok.
If Tiger was to wait for Malaysia to qualify, to watch the World Cup, Tiger would be dead. Even if Tiger was one of those Aldabra giant tortoises — Aldabrachelys gigantean for you scientific geeks — which lives for more than 200 years, Tiger doubts he’d live to see Malaysia qualify for the World Cup…but another time on this predicament.
Now, why do you seem shocked? Isn’t that how businesses are run? You buy something in a country you want to visit often, and go there on the pretext of business. Seriously….that’s how it is.
Why else would companies invest abroad? Most of them are not going to succeed.
Remember Pharmaniaga in China? In 2005 Pharmaniaga set up Wuxi Worldbest Treeful Pharma Pharmaceutical Co Ltd, (what a mouthful, no wonder it failed) in which it had 40%, partnering Shanghai Worldbest Treeful Pharmaceutical (Group) Co Ltd. About RM21 million was spent on this venture, and there was so much chest thumping it was almost embarrassing…but Tiger knowing the ways of corporate Malaysia, bit his cynical tongue.
And after all the big talk, in Pharmaniaga’s 2007 annual report, it is stated that Wuxi Worldbest Treeful Pharma Pharmaceutical was in bankruptcy proceedings.
Let’s not start on national automaker Proton, there will be too much to write, and Tiger has the limericks to focus on.
Ok, you mean the rubber glove boys don’t have other reasons to go to Vietnam, or all those fellows who invest in China merely invest in business, and do not party in Shanghai?
Like they say, all work and no play makes Tiger a dull cat….
GRRRRR!